tiny boxes.

my dad told my sister and me something that stuck with me:

that some of the best presents come in tiny boxes.

i didn’t understand it at first at such a young age, but it dawned on me one day he meant wedding rings.

and on a different day it dawned on me, it wasn’t even the rings that he was really talking about. it was the promise of building a life with the love of your life. it was the past, present and future with your person.

i’m forever grateful to have been raised by parents who found love in a hopeless place, young and afraid — but chose to do it anyways.

and they continued to choose each other every single day. together. with and in love.

how lucky am i? to be raised by that level of unconditional love.

it teaches us to believe in love and to choose love every day, despite fear.

i didn’t realize how detrimental it would be to fall in love with someone who didn’t believe in choosing love, despite fear. i didn’t realize i’d end up this heartbroken.

i didn’t realize it would drive me to break out into hives every day for six weeks. two ER visits. countless tears. a broken lease. living out of my suitcase. crashing at my cousin’s house. relearning how to eat. a new lease signed. going into debt buying all new furniture. saying goodbye to your dog who became mine, too, 4 out of the 6.5 years of his life. and learning how to live without you. again.

2022 me would’ve had to be taken to the hospital if she sat down with 2026 me.
funny how both versions ended up there.

four years ago, i thought i met the love of my life. my forever person. my one.

six months after our first date, i told you that i loved you.

it took you 2 years and 1.5 breakups for you to realize that you loved me too.

you told me your family didn’t say those 3 words a lot. that you were emotionally neglected as a child. that you felt like a burden if you wanted attention as a child. but that i was the only person who you felt like you could open up to. and that you knew you loved me. and you wanted to marry me. and build a life with me.

family shit is complicated. i listened. i cared. i did everything i could to help you heal those wounds. i even went with you to family events. tried to get to know your family, even though they barely tried to get to know me. i planned almost every single dinner with your sister who lives just 20 min away. i helped your other sister with branding for her new company. i texted your mother and father happy birthday and happy anniversary, and even reminded you to text them, too.

i cared.

and while mi familia and i immediately made space for you and yours in our family, your family didn’t reciprocate. i get it, family shit is complicated. but making space for you was never complicated for us.

and when you planned 3 ring shopping days and bailed every time, my family was supporting us, having conversations with us on how to navigate this together. how to repair. how to heal.

and your family was telling you i was crazy for being upset. controlling for wanting a shared plan about our future. calling me inorganic and comparing me to a cult leader.

& while we were at our most fragile state, you turned to the sister whom you never respected her relationship or sporadic life choices.

your family judged me for how i acted when i hit my breaking point. but funny how you failed to mention the actions that brought me there.

she told me that expecting a ring by 30 and kids by 33 was crazy and not to put myself in a tiny box. that life truly starts at 30.

insane how someone so in touch with spirituality and nature would dare to judge a woman without knowing her reproductive health issues. crazy that you didn’t step in and tell them that ring by 30 and kids by 33 was the timeline we agreed on, together.

simply, all of it was fucking crazy.

but something that disgusts me the most, besides the lies you’ll keep to your grave from your family to make yourself look better, is the fact that your sister thinks that a marriage and family is me putting myself in a tiny box.

however, some of the best gifts in life are within those tiny boxes.

not to mention…here’s everything i’ve done in 29 years because there’s no way in hell i’ve ever waited for any number to live my life to the fullest:

• moved 14x

• lived in 3 countries

• visited 14 countries

• started a blog at 17

• built a successful business from that blog

• obtained 2 undergraduate degrees, and 1 minor

• earned a master’s degree

• built a successful career

• became an auntie to the most beautiful girl in the world

• had the biggest belly laughs and sincerest love with my friends and family

• built intellectual, deep, authentic, loving relationships with friends

• supported myself financially since i’ve moved out of my parents house

• paid off my car, peloton and business equipment

• my art is on an album cover that features lil yachty

• spread love and a smile almost every single day

• had my art on multiple journal covers

• danced at countless concerts

• and now, start over. alone.

you sobbed on me saying you weren’t sure you made the right decision ending things with me. but you left anyways. saying you want to be with someone your family approves of.

funny how the family you so badly want that approval from, is the same family you felt so wounded by.

i’m good on that.

i approve of me.

and most importantly, i deserve

someone who sees a ring & instead of fearing a tiny box

sees the beautiful eternity.

just a forever love

that you choose every single fucking day.

together. with and in love.

xx.